Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Pregnancy hormones or real life ???

Lately I've been having some battles with myself... Is it my hormones or am Is this real?... Feelings of insecurity about my personal life ... Since finding out I was pregnant I felt completely different not myself at all... Well let me take it back to before the pregnancy . I remember through out my college life I knew what I wanted and I had all these plans to make it . Possibly move to another state ... Move out by myself .. Live the life I felt I always wanted to live. I knew and understood my feelings. I loved me for I was ... I took care of myself. Now fast forward to today and all those same feelings I have no idea where they went . Here I am married and pregnant. New set of ideas and feelings are coming into play. I no longer understand my feelings .. Have no Idea what is
Going on with my emotions. I no longer know what I want in my future. All I know is that I now have been sharing a life with some one
And will be sharing it with another one. I didn't know how much one would change once you start living with
Some one.dont get me wrong being married is amazing... But I'm no longer myself and I've become another person. With other ideas that are not
My own and when I do have an
Idea it's changed by that other individual. Why is it changed well because now I have to consider what they think and feel .
I've been stuck lately feeling completely alone and super confused. Now this is where I struggle is this just my hormones talking or is this how I really feel?
I don't feel the confidence that I use to have... I'm not communicating that well with my feelings and it's simply because I don't understand them. I feel everything is blurry and flying by. Im struggling with myself and I want it to stop. I want to get my old self back. That feeling that I could do anything i wanted and it was ok because I wanted it. I want to have conversations like I use to have not feel so mundane. I once again want to take care of myself and feel like I am some body again. I feel so empty and I have no idea why.
I wonder if I'll feel more confused as my pregnancy keeps moving forward or will I feel this even after I have my kid? All I know something needs to change and it can't be me anymore.